Friday, July 29, 2016

YES, I NAMED MY DAUGHTER GAYLORD FOCKER. SO FOCKING WHAT!: (OVER 1,000 REAL NAMES OF REAL PEOPLE, ALL WEIRD) by Joseph Joel

Synopsis

This book is unusual because it is real. But, it may be the world’s first unbook. There is little narration. It is a book of lists. There are few bona fide jokes unless you think that it is funny for a parent to name her kid, “Martina Moron.”
Now, consider this information:
Outraged customer ahead of me in a store. Unreasonable business associate. Nothing that a good chuckle can’t cure.
If you pay attention, you can learn a lot about people. Some of it is obvious. Some of it is bizarre.
Now, about the obvious: Everybody has a name, and everybody can relate to names. As a person who talks but especially listens a lot, I run into unusual and quirky names often. Santa Claus, Jesus Christ, Candy Cane, and Fruity McGill are among the people with odd names that I have met.
No way? Have you ever checked out the tattoos that people have? Each and every one them says something interesting and/or strange about that individual. Why can’t a name have the same purpose?
Anyway, this book has taken most of my life to write. I have written down the person’s name and verified it later. No name has been incorrectly reported in my fierce quest for accuracy.
I have learned that there is not a person alive who does not have or know somebody with a name that is atypical or weird. The waitress at my favorite diner is sure to remind me that her name is “Bippie,” and if I get it wrong and call her “Mippie” or “Blimpie,” I may find a fake fingernail in my lentil soup. Not really. She always does a professional job!
I met this wonderful woman named “Luna.” Her whole life, she was tormented by this first name. But worse, she hated that she was not given a middle name. While growing up, she would pin imaginary middle names on her bedroom curtain quite often. And, when she turned 21, she legally gave herself the middle name of “Delight.”
Now, the pronunciations may not be what some people might expect, but the spelling is what matters. For instance, “Moron” may have a Spanish or even a French pronunciation that we would not initially expect which is better than the “I am a dumbass” related pronunciation. But, the spelling is the same.
A part of the inspiration for the book is a custom-made license plate that I saw while walking on a lonely street in a city where I resided at the time. It said, “MORON.” Is that how that person wanted to be labeled and known? What was the thinking behind giving one’s car, and hence oneself, such a name? Or, was thinking even possible in this case? I, on the other hand, do not want to look stupid. Silly, outrageous, sarcastic, thorough, and funny are much more my style.
And, it was not long ago that I found a sign outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania that said “Shit Creek.” Does anybody want to go fishing?
Now, what inspired this whole book even more, however, is my love of movies. I saw Meet the Parents, in which the main character, played by Ben Stiller, is named “Gaylord Focker.” I learned that Jim Carrey came up with this name only for one of the producers to come to believe that there actually are three Gaylord Fockers in America, or at least this notion is what he believed. (I do not think that he researched this suspicion well.) In fact, the producer was wrong, or at least, I see no evidence of it. Nobody really has or had that name in real life. Everybody makes mistakes, even producers of hilarious movies. He will remain nameless. It is only fair. Ha ha!
Anyway, it was just too much──the combination of the name "Gaylord Focker” and seeing bizarre names on an infrequent basis in my social life and business life──that propelled me into the huge research project that evolved into this delightful, irreverent, and funny, but even somewhat educational, book. Not too educational, however. Let’s be real. This book is the paper or computer wire version of the fart. It is nothing groundbreaking, brilliant, or special. It doesn’t even smell good.
Still, you can believe me: you will see people in a different light



My Thoughts
★ Stars
I received this book in return for an honest review.
It was a short read. I'll give it that and only that.

I think this book was written in bad taste. I know it was meant to be a funny thing, but to me it wasn't. I think it was cruel. I knew it would be a list of names, but I also kinda hoped that maybe it was people he had actually met. Not ones he came across at random or online. 

There are quiet a few well known names, like my favorites, Forest Gump and Clark Kent..... Why were their names on this list? I find no humor in them unless you are going by Forest's movie. Even then, it's not all that funny. A man who didn't let his disabilities stop him from experiencing and loving life. 
Clark Kent, Superman, a HERO. 
I wonder how many other's are on this list who are actual heros. Not just heros in books, but actually war heros.... The thought of that actually makes me angry.

What also makes me angry is if Joseph Joel knew my last name, or even my friend's last name, I KNOW me and her both would be on that list. Why wouldn't they be? They are both a target on our back since the first days of school. *smh* 

The more I read, the more I realized I really really really didn't like this "book" and saw how cruel it was and realized that this is just a "book" making fun of people. What's next? A book of "funny" stories about people's disabilities?

I had high hopes that this book would give me a laugh. It didn't. It left me angry and disappointed.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Summoning the Demon by Kelly D. Smith

Synopsis

Alyssa doesn’t like to ask for help, but when fighting zombies, sometimes a witch needs a little backup. So she summons a demon. Falan Farrelly, demon. Alyssa wouldn’t have survived the night without him, but is that the only reason she wants to summon him again?
Falan isn’t used to chasing imps out of old lady’s yards or getting rid of demons, but there is something about this witch that makes him unable to resist.





My Thoughts
★★★★ Stars
I received this book in return for an honest review.
I am SO ashamed it took me this long to read a 15 page book! Good Lord, I should be shot (not really, please.)
I did start this book about a month ago, I think.... Though it may have actually been a lot longer because so much has been going on that all my books I need to read are scattered everywhere but that is beside the point.
This book scared the hell out of me. (haha nice pun) I'm so into this book then BAM the summoning scene (the first one) ... I don't know what it is or what but it gave me nightmares for literally WEEKS. I could not pick this book up again because I would shudder and feel so uneasy about it. 

But I really owed it to the author to finish the book because she is awesome and she deserves a review. 

So all terror aside, there was a part in the book:
"Oh, I'm fine. Do you have the time to deal with those imps for me?" It had taken her a long time to come to terms with the fact that there were imps in her yard. She'd believed it the second I said it, had even gone on a rant about how they were the spawns of Hell. I didn't have the heart to tell her what they actually were. 

See what I mean? Alyssa says it had taken Rose a long time to come to terms that imps were in her yard, but yet then says the old lady believed her as soon as she told her. Also "It had taken her a long time to come to terms with the fact there were imps in her yard" then at the end of the paragraph says that she didn't have the heart to tell her what they really were...... but..... that is what they are. IMPS...... and to be fair the old lady was right, they are the spawns of Hell because they are also known as Satan's foot soldiers. 


I felt guilt ride up. I always hated this part. They looked so cute. 
Honestly, I always thought IMPs looked like this (lol) :



That being said, I think the story was great! It was a very interesting story line and keeps you sucked in and interested. Even after that time I wasn't reading it, it was still on my mind wondering what happens next. The writing is so awesome that it really feels like you are there and living that moment. Kelly is awesome at setting the scenes. That is not a easy thing to do but she managed to own it like a boss. lol

Monday, July 11, 2016

Candlelight by Stacy McWilliams

Synopsis
Life was full of nothing but darkness for Nathan Stevenson until Jasmine appeared in his life. She brought his innermost desires to the surface. She burned her way through to his heart to become embedded in his soul. He knew she was dangerous but would she break down his wall as he dreamed of her touch and fought against the impulse to protect her?Would their love be enough to defeat his demons? Was he strong enough to resist her or would her light burn irrevocably?




My Thoughts

★★★★ Stars
I received this book in return for an honest review.
Oh my gah the urge to punch everyone in the throat is so freaking strong!

I loved loved loved this book and am so glad it was written! It is awesome to see more into Nate's life and wonder why he is such a bipolar blue waffle douchenozzle
Yet still leaves just enough space to make me want to stomp his balls into a mud puddle.


I really think this book should be read first before the others because I can almost guarantee if you read Luminosity first, you won't want to finish the series. At least this one opens the air a bit so you won't be so closed off.

What I really don't get is .... why Nate is all "human-y" when his sister does pretty much the same thing as he does. I don't know. It just works my nerve that all these get away with everything but if Nate farts crooked, his psychotic whore of a mother (Inner monologue: *gasps* that's not nice! Yeah, well, she is a demon. She is not nice either.) goes utterly and nonstop psycho. It is ridiculous. 

The main thing I was not to fond of was the overuse of the word "fuck". After a while, it seemed to actually take away from the story for me.

Ya know... I have dissed most of Nate's family but I haven't really said anything about the nutcase that calls himself a father.... Whoa. I mean, really. Wow. 

He HAD to be a hard character to write....Or maybe Stacy is just releasing her inner Satan. LOL!! but really. I don't get this man. It is so horrible to act "human"? whaaaaat?!

But yet he does human things every day. Job, Family, Providing for said family....At one point even told Nate to take up running to be kinda a coping thing to clear his head, but mother dearest gets a bug up her butt and suddenly daddy dearest and her both beat his brains in because he is to "human"? yeahhhhhh okay, whatever.

I still liked this book though and can't wait for the next book!

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

(Personal Post) RIP Nick

People keep asking me how I am doing... and for once, I am telling the truth. Im not okay and I dont think I will every be okay. This is hitting me just as hard as when I lost my mama. I lost touch with my cousin but we were still close.

I keep trying to make sense of all this, and I honestly cant. I cant stop asking why....Why him?

I cant help but to wonder if great musicains are cursed because it seems like all the great ones are taken from us way to early.


I miss Nick so much. He was my cousin and friend. I remember us and his brother playing in a dirt pile behind my aunts house. I remember us running through her garden as well where her corn stalks were..... Boooooooy, we got in trouble for that because we broke some of her stalks.
I remember our childhood swing that we all took turns on.
I remember my first time hunting with them..... I will never forget it.
It was horrible yet hilarious. From a sticker wacking me in the cheek and me screaming "Its in my eye!!" (managing to scare off everything to hunt) from wild horses cornering us and my aunt being scared out of her wits but me, Nick, and Jake just laughed. We bout died laughing when she picked up a big stick and started going "YA! YA! YA!" and the horses just looking at her like "is she serious?"
There are so many memries and not enough space on here to share them all.


He was such a amazing person though, Funny and wise.... man, was he wise. He was a old soul and smart as a whip.

Nick, we all love you and we will miss you dearly. Please hug my mama and Aunt S for me, will ya?

Nick is on the right.

On that note, author friends who are needing reviews from me, I am sorry, but they may take longer than the deadline. I need a break for a few days.....


Ignition by Stacy McWilliams

Synopsis

Ignition is book two in the Escaping Demons Saga and see's Nathan and Jasmine fight for their lives and to remain together.
Life has never been Easy for Jasmine Johnstone, but failing for Nathan Stevenson brings a whole new level of difficulty. He is sworn to kill her, and fights against his love for her more than ever, but he knows he can't live without her.
As they run from monsters, and each other, can their love survive?
Time begins to run out and with new friends and enemies in the strangest places, will they learn who to trust in time?
With their love stronger than ever, but forces pulling them apart, is love enough to keep them together or will Nathan's parents win and pull them apart?


My Thoughts
★★★ Stars
I received this book in return for an honest review.

What the what!!!!
What kind of ending was that?!?!
It is amazing how much a book can piss you off so bad but keep you so drawn in that you NEED to know what happens next.
I'm still not sold on Nate. I still really hate him and think he is a big giant wussy. Now Jas on the other hand, I am really starting to like her. She is FINALLY stepping up. Took her freaking long enough. -_- I wonder if I am the only one who sees Claire Holt playing her though...

I honestly have no idea what I can really say about this book. It answered some questions but left me with so many more questions. Like, where did her powers come from? Who half of the characters were because they seemed to pop up out of nowhere but the main characters knew, them, which makes me think they were around at some point, but I just do not remember them :(

I expected more from this book. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but there just seemed to be something missing and I wanted the fight scenes to be more, they seemed to fall kinda flat.

When Lisa found out her big news, I won't lie, I was sad that we couldn't experience her excitement with her the second she found out, we had to find out later about it.

I can't wait for the next book. I need it and I need it now!!!